Run Away

Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Raheem




Have you ever felt like you just wanted to run away?
just go somewhere and hide under a rock and
never come out until the world is perfect [yeah imagine that ]

I have felt so sad and miserable lately
may Allah give me the strength
to continue to hold and be the strong woman that
I know I can be Ameen!

I know running away is not the solution to my problems
but what can I do when staying is hard!
Its a quote that explains exactly how I feel
"Waiting is Painful;
Forgetting is Painful
But not knowing which one to do is the worse kind of suffering"!
And I feel every emotion behind
every word that was said.

How can I leave when there is nothing better for me
but how can I stay if this is not working?
Don't get me wrong I love my life but I just do not
know if I can handle this anymore!
I want to be strong heck I deserve to be strong
but for some odd reason I just am not :(

Believe me at times I feel like I am like
Superwoman or something as if I can conquer whatever
I put my mind to
While other times I just feel like I want
to give into the temptation of not winning

I just miss it when life made since when I knew
exactly why I woke up every morning
which was/is through the grace of Allah [swt]
and for my husband
Since he's been away I just feel like I
have lost every ounce of sanity that I had in me

Yes I have my son now and he keeps me happy but it
feel as if I'm neglecting him of a full, happy, completed
life because his Daddy is not around right now.
I know he is trying to better ourlives but geez I just
feel weak without him!

Wow after just writing that I just noticed I never
felt this way before I never needed
a man to make me happy, to make
me smile, to make me feel complete
but now I do??

Maybe this is what love do to you?
Love makes you feel like the most powerful human being
makes you feel like you can conquer the world
makes you feel like no one but Allah [swt] can stop you :)
I love love
but I do not like how its making me feel right now


Ya Allah
give me the strength to hold on to this special
gift of love and sabr [patience] you have blessed me with
see me through these hardships
Ameen

the big "P"

Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Raheem


Lately my heart have been thinking about many subjects and oddily
enough the big "P" has been one of them!
I'll start by saying I am not 100% opposed to
Polgany nor am I 100% with it!
I know its one of the many blessings
Allah subhanahu wa Ta'ala
has ordained for us and our hubbies but my heart is not into it.
I am not in a polganist marriage but my mind is concentrating on this
because many of the friends I grew up with are in Polganist marriage and I just wonder how.
Maybe I'm selfish and I only want my husband for myself but
at the same time I also want for my sister what I want for myself but why does it have to be my husband?
Of course I want my sisters in Islam to be happy and fulfilled but just not with my husband

A sister I live across the street from was talking about just getting married and the brother she
married was already married?!
i wanted to ask her did she know he was already married but I did not because it's not my concern.
Yes I was very happy for her and said alhamdulillah wa masha'allah but still
my brain was filled with many questions?
Then out of the blue she asked me how I felt about Polagny and I expressed my opinions on it and she said
she felt the same way and never could truly know if she would ever
be able to share her husband?!?
Right then and there I knew she didn't know he was married and my heart was sad for her
I felt mortified at the thought of him deceivng her and the other woman how could he
but still I kept my mouth shut and said nothing!

Many times the hubbier have said he'll never take on a 2^nd, 3^rd or 4^th wife!
and many times I have believed him he has never lied to me but
how could he speak upon something he does not truly have control over?
Yes I want him all to myself and I don't want no one else to have him
but I also don't want him to feel like I'll leave him if he does decides that he wants to take on a co-wife only
Allah subhanahu wa Ta'ala
knows what's best for us for he is the ever-knowing therefore mankind
can never say what he'll do or not do.

Long before we were married I expressed my feelings to him on Polgany
but now that I'm growing up and I see myself changing before my very eyes and I feel
myself getting closer to my rabb and what he has prescribed for us alhamdulillah
I am not trying to disrespect anyone in any type of way this is only my beliefes and how I feel.
May Allah bless the sisters that are stong enough to deal with a co-wife
because you are doing what your lord ordained for you to do masha'allah.
maybe that's it maybe I'm not strong enough to have another woman having dealings
with my husband and doing things for him that I should be doing
I don't want another woman feeding him when he comes home from work
I don't want another woman touching him
I don't even like other woman looking at him he's MINE!

insha'allah if this was to ever be a major factor in my life
Allah subhanahu wa Ta'ala
will make it easy for me and everyone involved.!

Insha'allah

Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Raheem

Today makes it 10 months and 5 days since da hubbier

have been away from me
and I believe I miss him so much more than ever.
I'm feeling in the dumps and like I just want to cry and scream!
I never thought it would hurt this bad but it does
I know he'll be back soon insha'allah
i just wished it would happen sooner rather than later!
I know I should be more understanable and believe that
Allah subhanahu wa Ta'ala
has a reason for everything but I just don't understand right now
insha'allah I will soon
Every part of my aching body wants to get up and pray istikhara
i need some real guidance and soon.
My mind is above water while my
heart is slowly drowing in misery
Next to Allah [swt] and our son he's one of the only men
I really still trust in this life
Maybe I should make du'a for myself inshallah
but that sounds a bit selfish!
I'm tired and my eyes areturning fire red from the pain

Insha'allah he'll be back in town soon!

Re-introduce Myself

As'Salamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh

Alan wa Sahlan (welcome) to my NEW blogspot.
Dominique [Bahiyyah]
I'm 19 years old living in America striving one day to move to Saudi insha'allah (if Allah wills)
I am a servant of Allah alhamdulillah (Praise belongs to Allah)
I am the mother of a baby boy Sa'ir masha'allah (what Allah wishes)
last but certaintly not least I am married to a wonderful man Abdullah alhamdulillah!
I have beem a Muslimah for 8 years alhamdulillah
Insha'allah when I have more tme I'll post some of my old entries and even begin some new ones.